Thursday, August 15, 2013

Teal is not just a color anymore

On August 06, 2013 after five years of TTC, normal test results and unexplained infertility, I was diagnosed with PCOS.That entire day and the following night I cried, not for the first time, but with a new found pain that ached my insides to the core. A part of me wanted to admit to the flicker of relief, the 'name' to the turmoil I had been feeling those past five years, the frustration of not knowing 'why' we couldn't have children like every other couple, of 'why' it couldn't happen if everything came back 'normal'. But that relief was so small, so weak that it couldn't have surfaced through the dominating anchor.

Today, I feel like I've just returned wounded from a battle of fighting the unknown only to hear that I must return to the field again.

This moment now, I have to learn how to find courage again, to rediscover faith. I must learn to accept that I have PCOS, Vitamin D deficiency, Hyperthyroidism and find the will to fight it.

But for now, I will give myself a little time to accept, a little moment to mourn.

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