Friday, September 6, 2013

Dealing with Depression during PCOS & Infertility

Today, like many other days since my diagnosis, I am in a difficult place. I cannot get my mind to accept or understand some things in life. I have a ton of work in office right now which I cannot focus on. I don't know how I'm going to meet my deadlines at work. Seriously.

I think I've over obsessed my want to have a baby, scratching at the question 'why not' but in all this time I feel I've lost my true optimism towards the circle of life. I hate my infertile body. Even if I spend tons of money and time over fertility treatments, majority of the time, they don't work for people. There's no guarantee. How miserable am I going to be if all attempts fail too? Should I just accept that it's not meant to be. How do I accept? Maybe God's right after all. I don't deserve to be a mother.

And then I stumbled on this blog post and the third paragraph just spoke to me. That is at least how miserable I feel. I think I'm going to get this book that the blogger talks about and see if I can find any answers there.

I know I'm not alone in this and that happier days always follow the bad, but right now, it's a pretty dark pit down here.

"No one saying who was good enough, or devoted enough to deserve children.  The ability to have children is medical.  Some people can’t see, some can’t walk, some can’t talk, some can’t make insulin, some can’t think without hearing voices…. and some can’t make babies.  Period.  It’s that simple.  It’s not a punishment.  People don’t get to have children because they are better than others, or more devote, they just get to have children because medically, they can."

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